Olivia is an awesome FBI agent and an even more impressive human being. She was able to draw out key information from Chris while no one else in the Fringe division had the spine to even ask Broyles for permission to talk to him. She knew that the old man, plus young man, plus spinal tap equaled an anti aging concoction and even managed to impress Lincoln with her grasp of medical knowledge. On a side note, she memorized the path the patrols take around the harbor while she was fleeing for her life.
What is up with that crazy cab driver? He was totally fine with taxing the woman who cab napped him out into the middle of the Hudson River on a boat he had no knowledge of how to sail. He better be acting on behalf of William Bell’s estate. If he truly is an independent figure doing this out of the goodness of his heart, his character makes absolutely no sense to me.
When Olivia told the little boy that she was with the FBI it sounded odd to me and I did not know why. Her conversation with him in the hospital was a nice resolution for my tired brain.
My favorite parts about the alternate universe are the subtle distinctions between their world and ours. This week they quietly let it slip that in their United States of America there are three major political parties. I wonder which party President Obama belongs to in Walternate’s world.
Olivia made contact with Peter, but she was not able to will herself permanently home. It was similar to when William Bell brought her out of her car accident on what was seemingly borrowed time. Of course when she went back to our world after that experience she was placed back into the same space, at the same velocity, and only time moved without her. Of course Bell was doing the heavy lifting then and I am guessing that somewhat different rules govern her own transitions between worlds.
Broyles is a good man no matter which dimension he inhabits. Olivia helped his son and he helped her by turning a blind eye to her obvious awakening. Of course, you could argue that Broyles’ discretion could bring about the end of his world at the hands of the woman he let walk away. However, I prefer to think that he realized Olivia was not the threat he was led to believe and he was able to recognize the goodness in her.
Peter you dumb love sick puppy. You never put the pieces together. Folivia confused Carey Grant for Ronald Fraking Reagan and you did not take that as a hint that something was amiss. The woman you actually love is trapped in an alternate dimension and you did not even notice until she had a janitor call to inform you. Minus 10 character points!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thoughts on Fatherhood 7
Yesterday my wife approached me and said, “I have to go to Target for an eye exam, do you and the baby want to come?” I responded, “Not really” and then quickly added, “unless you want us to”. My lovely wife then said, “I want you to” and off we all went to Target.
We pulled into the parking lot, walked into the store, and instantly my wife ran away from the baby and I. My little one was in her travel seat which snapped into the kid carrier section of the shopping cart. This seemed a bit dangerous so I placed her in the cart itself which resulted in making me feel like she was safer, though empirically I have no evidence that is the truth. Placing my child inside the basket also had the unintended consequence of her being her invisible to casual observers.
As we strolled through the store I felt confident in my parenting abilities, well semi-confident as I was absolutely terrified she would start screaming which would lead a police officer to confiscate her from me. We went through the clothing department with little incident, save for her staring at the halogen lighting as if it were the most impressive thing ever created. We strolled through electronics and I watched her little head rotate to follow a 50 inch LCD TV as we slowly rolled by. Next up was the toy section and somewhat unsurprisingly, that was where we started to have issues.
We were next to the life sized Nerf weapons when she screamed, “Whah!” sharply and suddenly. I did my best to softly shush her but figured we should quickly relocate to another, less stimulating, aisle. In board games it happened again, “Whah!” I shushed, but nothing came of it, and I shushed again. Board games were about to send me to jail without passing go or collecting two hundred dollars so I rushed into more familiar territory, video games.
Though my child remained upset, the fact that Fable III was already out distracted me significantly and I blurted, audibly, not loudly, “awesome” upon realizing this fortuitous news. Oddly, it was at that point that I notice my child was quiet. While I was somewhat bemused by the fact that my little girl might be an XBOX fan at this young an age, I surmised that was not the calming factor as showing her the box of the game only served to upset her.
We moved into the candy and junkfood section of the store and at this point her little cry of “Whah!” was being complimented with a guttural, “Meh!”. Shushing did not work, the pacifier only served to annoy, and every timed to rubbed her forehead she angrily slung her head in the opposite direction. Again Target distracted me from my child when I noticed the insane amount of calories that were in a particular breakfast cereal I enjoy. This time I simply stated, “can you believe this?” to my child and she stopped making noise.
It was at this point I realized my child was made happier with the simple sound of my voice. The fact that my girl was responding, positively, to my voice made me a very proud poppy but the fact that it looked as though I was talking to a shopping cart made me slightly self-conscience. At first I tried to speak softly to her when no one was looking, but that proved to be too inconsistent to keep her happy.
I swallowed my pride and by the time I reached the pet supply aisle I began to talk my shopping cart with alarming regularity. I read names of products, lists of ingredients, and even remarked on whether our dog would enjoy the chewiness of various products. My child went from “Whah!-ing” to smiling broadly and even laughing occasionally. By the time we got to the vision center we were both having such a good time I was hoping my wife was not ready for us. Turns out that embracing my inner crazy person in a crowded store was a freeing experience.
We pulled into the parking lot, walked into the store, and instantly my wife ran away from the baby and I. My little one was in her travel seat which snapped into the kid carrier section of the shopping cart. This seemed a bit dangerous so I placed her in the cart itself which resulted in making me feel like she was safer, though empirically I have no evidence that is the truth. Placing my child inside the basket also had the unintended consequence of her being her invisible to casual observers.
As we strolled through the store I felt confident in my parenting abilities, well semi-confident as I was absolutely terrified she would start screaming which would lead a police officer to confiscate her from me. We went through the clothing department with little incident, save for her staring at the halogen lighting as if it were the most impressive thing ever created. We strolled through electronics and I watched her little head rotate to follow a 50 inch LCD TV as we slowly rolled by. Next up was the toy section and somewhat unsurprisingly, that was where we started to have issues.
We were next to the life sized Nerf weapons when she screamed, “Whah!” sharply and suddenly. I did my best to softly shush her but figured we should quickly relocate to another, less stimulating, aisle. In board games it happened again, “Whah!” I shushed, but nothing came of it, and I shushed again. Board games were about to send me to jail without passing go or collecting two hundred dollars so I rushed into more familiar territory, video games.
Though my child remained upset, the fact that Fable III was already out distracted me significantly and I blurted, audibly, not loudly, “awesome” upon realizing this fortuitous news. Oddly, it was at that point that I notice my child was quiet. While I was somewhat bemused by the fact that my little girl might be an XBOX fan at this young an age, I surmised that was not the calming factor as showing her the box of the game only served to upset her.
We moved into the candy and junkfood section of the store and at this point her little cry of “Whah!” was being complimented with a guttural, “Meh!”. Shushing did not work, the pacifier only served to annoy, and every timed to rubbed her forehead she angrily slung her head in the opposite direction. Again Target distracted me from my child when I noticed the insane amount of calories that were in a particular breakfast cereal I enjoy. This time I simply stated, “can you believe this?” to my child and she stopped making noise.
It was at this point I realized my child was made happier with the simple sound of my voice. The fact that my girl was responding, positively, to my voice made me a very proud poppy but the fact that it looked as though I was talking to a shopping cart made me slightly self-conscience. At first I tried to speak softly to her when no one was looking, but that proved to be too inconsistent to keep her happy.
I swallowed my pride and by the time I reached the pet supply aisle I began to talk my shopping cart with alarming regularity. I read names of products, lists of ingredients, and even remarked on whether our dog would enjoy the chewiness of various products. My child went from “Whah!-ing” to smiling broadly and even laughing occasionally. By the time we got to the vision center we were both having such a good time I was hoping my wife was not ready for us. Turns out that embracing my inner crazy person in a crowded store was a freeing experience.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Event: For the Good of Our Country
Is it wrong that I was rooting for Sean to die? The way he got shot literally made me laugh out loud. The assassin somehow survived the explosion inside the house, crawled out to the roof top, climbed down to street level, and managed to shoot Sean in the shoulder. Sean then must have been eating the same spinach that his would be killer had consumed because with a bullet wound the managed to bait and disarm his attacker. All while his girlfriend cried and threw a rock.
Layla got her, strong character moment when she kidnapped a doctor and forced him to perform emergency surgery on Sean in an alley that was bisected by a river of urine. The sad thing is that this storyline was by far the strongest part of the episode.
I guess I should be happy that I called the Vice President’s involvement in the plot to kill Martinez in my thoughts on “Protect them from the Truth”. That noted, I simply employed the “he who smelt it dealt it” theorem of television prognosticating which as any TV snob can tell you is only slightly more respected than the, “never trust a man with a mustache, who is not Tom Selleck” theorem.
Sadly, as the VP had his “come to Jesus” moment, he also had a “diarrhea of the mouth moment” and managed to get himself killed before spilling the beans. On a side not I’ll try not to include the words diarrhea and beans in the same sentence again in the future. Why would the VP not have exited the building using the same secure means he used when entering?
The disappearing plane gag in the first episode was pretty cool looking and the building being sucked into a black hole was not a terrible effect either. However, every time they attempt to do something to people, make them look sick, age them prematurely or allow them to find the fountain of youth, I feel like the special effects wizards were all downgraded to house elves.
Layla got her, strong character moment when she kidnapped a doctor and forced him to perform emergency surgery on Sean in an alley that was bisected by a river of urine. The sad thing is that this storyline was by far the strongest part of the episode.
I guess I should be happy that I called the Vice President’s involvement in the plot to kill Martinez in my thoughts on “Protect them from the Truth”. That noted, I simply employed the “he who smelt it dealt it” theorem of television prognosticating which as any TV snob can tell you is only slightly more respected than the, “never trust a man with a mustache, who is not Tom Selleck” theorem.
Sadly, as the VP had his “come to Jesus” moment, he also had a “diarrhea of the mouth moment” and managed to get himself killed before spilling the beans. On a side not I’ll try not to include the words diarrhea and beans in the same sentence again in the future. Why would the VP not have exited the building using the same secure means he used when entering?
The disappearing plane gag in the first episode was pretty cool looking and the building being sucked into a black hole was not a terrible effect either. However, every time they attempt to do something to people, make them look sick, age them prematurely or allow them to find the fountain of youth, I feel like the special effects wizards were all downgraded to house elves.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Fringe: 6995 kHz
My only problem with this episode is that the numbers were not, 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. While I did notice an 8 and a 42 it was not the full Abrams connection I was looking for! That said, I am now positive that this show is by far the best “Lost” replacement I am going to get!
This episode marked a serious turning point for the series in a couple of key places. Folivia is slowly realizing that people (namely Peter and Walter) on this side may not be a blood thirsty as she has been led to believe. The success of Folivia in our world has led to Olivia’s expandability in the other universe. Astrid has come into her own as a character and a valuable part of the team.
With Folivia actively working against Fringe division, Astrid has transformed from Walter’s assistant to the person who cracked the most important mystery in the history of this series. It is an impressive journey for a character who I theorized was a figment of Walter’s imagination back in the days when she it seemed only existed as conscience for his crazier schemes. I find it interesting that her strength as a character is codes/patterns in both universes, did we have any indication of that before we saw her alternate?
Walternate’s machine is not his at all, it is a creation of people that evolved millions of years ago? It is another interesting twist on storytelling convention. Most shows would make the ancient technology alien in nature or placed their by time travelers. But Fringe is proposing that human beings lived before the dinosaurs and erased themselves from the fossil record because they created a vacuum that sucked their existence into a veritable black hole.
After discovering cortexaphan last week, I am disappointed with Walternate’s decision to discard Olivia so quickly. I guess that is the difference between he and Walter. Walternate creates to pursue goals while Walter creates because he is interested in what is possible.
Peter gets the “big dumb nincompoop” award this week. Olivia did not know the book store owner and could barely recall the string of numbers. She has a photographic memory Peter, why have no red flags been raised? More importantly, the Olivia he knows would never advocate the destruction of an entire universe of people.
I cannot wait to see how Olivia gets home. Her reunion with Peter will be... well bittersweet does not even come close to summing that up. The only good thing about Peter not figuring out that he is literally sleeping with the enemy is that Olivia as a character will become possibly the most bad ass female in the history of television. She is in another universe and may find her way home without the assistance of a single person. Even Buffy had to significantly on her friends when the going got tough.
This episode marked a serious turning point for the series in a couple of key places. Folivia is slowly realizing that people (namely Peter and Walter) on this side may not be a blood thirsty as she has been led to believe. The success of Folivia in our world has led to Olivia’s expandability in the other universe. Astrid has come into her own as a character and a valuable part of the team.
With Folivia actively working against Fringe division, Astrid has transformed from Walter’s assistant to the person who cracked the most important mystery in the history of this series. It is an impressive journey for a character who I theorized was a figment of Walter’s imagination back in the days when she it seemed only existed as conscience for his crazier schemes. I find it interesting that her strength as a character is codes/patterns in both universes, did we have any indication of that before we saw her alternate?
Walternate’s machine is not his at all, it is a creation of people that evolved millions of years ago? It is another interesting twist on storytelling convention. Most shows would make the ancient technology alien in nature or placed their by time travelers. But Fringe is proposing that human beings lived before the dinosaurs and erased themselves from the fossil record because they created a vacuum that sucked their existence into a veritable black hole.
After discovering cortexaphan last week, I am disappointed with Walternate’s decision to discard Olivia so quickly. I guess that is the difference between he and Walter. Walternate creates to pursue goals while Walter creates because he is interested in what is possible.
Peter gets the “big dumb nincompoop” award this week. Olivia did not know the book store owner and could barely recall the string of numbers. She has a photographic memory Peter, why have no red flags been raised? More importantly, the Olivia he knows would never advocate the destruction of an entire universe of people.
I cannot wait to see how Olivia gets home. Her reunion with Peter will be... well bittersweet does not even come close to summing that up. The only good thing about Peter not figuring out that he is literally sleeping with the enemy is that Olivia as a character will become possibly the most bad ass female in the history of television. She is in another universe and may find her way home without the assistance of a single person. Even Buffy had to significantly on her friends when the going got tough.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The Event: I Know Who You Are
As I was watching this episode I could not help but be put off by the back story of Blake Sterling. He is the man he is because he had daddy issues, shocker (unless you watched Lost and then you know that all television characters have complicated issues with their fathers). We got the point that Blake and his old man had a strained relationship because he referred to Sterling Sr. as “Father”. Of course then to drive the point home we saw “Father” assassinate Blake’s wife in a move that felt absolutely nutty as a plot point.
How could they do such a wonderful job with Simon’s flashback and then go on to completely miss the ball with Blake the very next episode? While I’m complaining, did anyone else think the Martinez/Sterling “Beer Summit” was way too on the nose? I wish the creative forces of the show had the nerve to call the President character Obama.
Sophia as “mother” may be the most intriguing aspect brought up in this episode. Is she only Thomas’ mother or is she the mother of all of the 1%’ers? If she is the mother of all the aliens “The Event” seems to be borrowing liberally from the ABC series “V”. I would prefer Thomas to be her only child, it would make their relationship more important.
I was effectively creeped out by the little girls at the end of the episode. That is until they showed us their faces. It was at that point I realized that “The Event” is a terrible B movie masquerading as a slick modern television series. While on the subject of creepy, I guess we have to assume that the 1%ers are connected to the creepy old man. The flowers he was gushing about to his security officer happened to be in Thomas’ fortress of solitude as well. I doubt even Thomas would approve of the old man’s methods (or agree with his goals) so I am going to guess that he is the “man in the Midwest” Thomas did his investing through.
Sean and Layla had their own B movie moment as they ran out of a building as it exploded. Of course that was only moments after they met “exposition man” and seconds before they realized he and “crazy not stupid reporter woman” left them for dead on the rooftop. I officially hate their story line completely and have decided to start a “Kill off Sean and Layla” campaign. Of course considering the readership of this blog I’ll have to assume that the campaign will be a little lonely but I will persist, unless I forget I started it when I write about “The Event” next week.
How could they do such a wonderful job with Simon’s flashback and then go on to completely miss the ball with Blake the very next episode? While I’m complaining, did anyone else think the Martinez/Sterling “Beer Summit” was way too on the nose? I wish the creative forces of the show had the nerve to call the President character Obama.
Sophia as “mother” may be the most intriguing aspect brought up in this episode. Is she only Thomas’ mother or is she the mother of all of the 1%’ers? If she is the mother of all the aliens “The Event” seems to be borrowing liberally from the ABC series “V”. I would prefer Thomas to be her only child, it would make their relationship more important.
I was effectively creeped out by the little girls at the end of the episode. That is until they showed us their faces. It was at that point I realized that “The Event” is a terrible B movie masquerading as a slick modern television series. While on the subject of creepy, I guess we have to assume that the 1%ers are connected to the creepy old man. The flowers he was gushing about to his security officer happened to be in Thomas’ fortress of solitude as well. I doubt even Thomas would approve of the old man’s methods (or agree with his goals) so I am going to guess that he is the “man in the Midwest” Thomas did his investing through.
Sean and Layla had their own B movie moment as they ran out of a building as it exploded. Of course that was only moments after they met “exposition man” and seconds before they realized he and “crazy not stupid reporter woman” left them for dead on the rooftop. I officially hate their story line completely and have decided to start a “Kill off Sean and Layla” campaign. Of course considering the readership of this blog I’ll have to assume that the campaign will be a little lonely but I will persist, unless I forget I started it when I write about “The Event” next week.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Fringe: Amber 31422
Olivia has finally figured out that she is not who she thought she was, kudos! Considering she is taking anti-psychotics without Walternate’s knowledge, I would bet that they are the key to unlocking to the Peter vision’s she’s having. The more she takes the pills the more he appears and guides her in the right direction. I cannot decide if the Twin Towers as a key plot point in this series is cool homage or gross abuse of our obvious emotional connection to those buildings. That acknowledged, Olivia’s journey to the NYC gift shop was one of the coolest moments in the history of this series.
Peter better discover Folivia for who she is in the next episode. Then maybe we can finally do what is needed to bring our characters back together.
Walternate seeks to bring balance to world by any means necessary. The Amber is a stopgap keeping his universe from ultimate destruction. The Fringe equivalent of sticking their finger in the dyke. If people have jumped back and forth between dimensions from both sides, why is only one being sucked into oblivion? Additionally, if the bank robber was able to create mini-black holes which required Amber plugging why has nothing Walter has done in our world needed the same treatment?
I am assuming that this will be one of the big questions answered at the end of this season. Otherwise it is an obvious plot hole, almost as big as bringing back a dead character by accident because episodes aired out of order.
Broyles knew that Olivia was not his Olivia and thus was willing to sacrifice her when the chips were down. Charlie and Lincoln believe she is their Olivia and forced Broyles to give them the time they needed to save her. I know I have said this before, but I really like Charlie and Lincoln and would love to see their participation in this series continue beyond this story arch.
Walternate discovered cotrexaphan in Olivia’s head. Of course he does not know what it is as of yet, but he must know it has something to do with her ability to traverse worlds. I have a bad feeling about what Walternate will do with the knowledge he now has. I feel like this show has something interesting to say about psychotropic drugs. Whenever a character has to do something superhuman Walter or Walternate simply doses them with psychotropics. It just seems worth noting.
The Polio outbreaks in our alternate universe are perplexing to me. Polio is a virus that was thoroughly researched by many people in our history and two effective vaccines were created in the 1950’s. How could the researchers on the other side not come up with similar results or at least create one of the two? Inconsistencies between the two universes should be caused by acts of chance, like the difference between a successful/unsuccessful assassination attempt, not the complete absence of human inquisitiveness.
Peter better discover Folivia for who she is in the next episode. Then maybe we can finally do what is needed to bring our characters back together.
Walternate seeks to bring balance to world by any means necessary. The Amber is a stopgap keeping his universe from ultimate destruction. The Fringe equivalent of sticking their finger in the dyke. If people have jumped back and forth between dimensions from both sides, why is only one being sucked into oblivion? Additionally, if the bank robber was able to create mini-black holes which required Amber plugging why has nothing Walter has done in our world needed the same treatment?
I am assuming that this will be one of the big questions answered at the end of this season. Otherwise it is an obvious plot hole, almost as big as bringing back a dead character by accident because episodes aired out of order.
Broyles knew that Olivia was not his Olivia and thus was willing to sacrifice her when the chips were down. Charlie and Lincoln believe she is their Olivia and forced Broyles to give them the time they needed to save her. I know I have said this before, but I really like Charlie and Lincoln and would love to see their participation in this series continue beyond this story arch.
Walternate discovered cotrexaphan in Olivia’s head. Of course he does not know what it is as of yet, but he must know it has something to do with her ability to traverse worlds. I have a bad feeling about what Walternate will do with the knowledge he now has. I feel like this show has something interesting to say about psychotropic drugs. Whenever a character has to do something superhuman Walter or Walternate simply doses them with psychotropics. It just seems worth noting.
The Polio outbreaks in our alternate universe are perplexing to me. Polio is a virus that was thoroughly researched by many people in our history and two effective vaccines were created in the 1950’s. How could the researchers on the other side not come up with similar results or at least create one of the two? Inconsistencies between the two universes should be caused by acts of chance, like the difference between a successful/unsuccessful assassination attempt, not the complete absence of human inquisitiveness.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Thoughts on Fatherhood 6
It was time. The baby had to get out of our bed and into her own. She just turned eight weeks and if that is not old enough to poop on the bowl it is certainly old enough to sleep in her own space. We did everything right. I gently bounced her to sleep whilst listening to Disney music through my iPod’s tiny speaker. The wife prepared the crib by removing all stuffed animals, blankets, and clothing. The baby went dutifully to sleep after approximately one and a half hours of daddy time and I carefully placed her in the crib.
This is when things started to trend downward. Almost immediately I realized I left my iPod in the room. This would have been OK but Pandora started to play the “Glee” version of “Don’t Stop Believing”, apparently “Glee” is musically similar to Disney, and it was rocking too hard for a child to sleep in that little space. I crept back in the room and the floor squeaked, I took another step and the floor creaked. Mercifully the room is tiny so I was able to quickly pick up the iPod and silence it. I snuck out of the room and, I kid you not, the floor squealed, “Time to make the donuts”.
Finally out of the room I closed the door with a gentle “click” and gasped a sigh of relief. I proudly walked down the steps and informed my wife of how easily I had put our child to sleep and as I got the last word out of my mouth we heard the baby screaming. This effectively removed the wind from my sails and I tagged out, allowing my wife to pick up the angry ball (sorry for the mixed metaphors).
My wife locked herself in our child’s room for the next 40 minutes at the end of which she emerged visibly tired but victorious. The baby was sleeping and it was time for us to follow suit. We entered our bed, which was now baby free, and celebrated our success in hushed tones. I whispered to my wife, “turn on the monitor, I want to see what our child looks like in night vision”. Considering I made her register for the expensive hand held unit I thought it was fair to be geeking out a little.
Unfortunately my technologically challenged better half could not figure out how to power the monitor on. After 30 seconds of watching my wife struggle, I wrestled the unit away from her and began banging on random buttons. I knew almost instantly that the monitor was busted but attempted to resuscitate it through all the usual means. I tapped the power button, held the power button, pushed and held multiple buttons at once, I even plugged the unit into the wall and tried everything all over again. When nothing worked I slammed it a few times into the bed post, but admittedly that was more of a stress relief than a troubleshoot.
When I finally decided all hope was lost I became nervous that we could not see or hear our child. I worried that she would wake up, feel abandoned and alone, and begin to resent us. My patient wife tried to allay my fears but had little success. I must have been convincing though because the second we heard “boo” from the babies bedroom we both jumped up and brought her back to ours. Everyone was sleeping in minutes.
We planned to return the defective baby device the next day but I had disposed of the box it came in, along with the receipt various other materials because it was super expensive and I assumed it would work. I gathered the monitor, the camera, and the power cords for each, placed them in a plastic bag and drove to Babies R Us. Expecting the worst my wife and I got our story straight on the ride over because confrontation makes me nervous. We decided “the story” should be the truth which was more or less; “this monitor is broken and it should not be, what can you do for us”.
Unbelievably, Babies R Us was receptive to our cause. The pleasant cashier looked at our Shoprite bag full of parts and ran down a check list of possible ways she could accept this as a return. “Do you have a receipt?” she asked with a broad smile. “We, I mean, I threw that out” I answered. “Did you pay with a credit card?” she helpfully inquired. “No it was a gift” I sullenly responded. “Oh, was it on your registry?” she excitedly questioned. “Well, yes it was” I quizzically replied. Unbelievably she then asked “Do you want store credit or an even exchange?” Before she could finish the statement, I screamed “Babies R Us for the win!” loud enough for the entire store to hear.
Ironically, even with the fancy new/working monitor our child has still not slept a night out of our bedroom.
This is when things started to trend downward. Almost immediately I realized I left my iPod in the room. This would have been OK but Pandora started to play the “Glee” version of “Don’t Stop Believing”, apparently “Glee” is musically similar to Disney, and it was rocking too hard for a child to sleep in that little space. I crept back in the room and the floor squeaked, I took another step and the floor creaked. Mercifully the room is tiny so I was able to quickly pick up the iPod and silence it. I snuck out of the room and, I kid you not, the floor squealed, “Time to make the donuts”.
Finally out of the room I closed the door with a gentle “click” and gasped a sigh of relief. I proudly walked down the steps and informed my wife of how easily I had put our child to sleep and as I got the last word out of my mouth we heard the baby screaming. This effectively removed the wind from my sails and I tagged out, allowing my wife to pick up the angry ball (sorry for the mixed metaphors).
My wife locked herself in our child’s room for the next 40 minutes at the end of which she emerged visibly tired but victorious. The baby was sleeping and it was time for us to follow suit. We entered our bed, which was now baby free, and celebrated our success in hushed tones. I whispered to my wife, “turn on the monitor, I want to see what our child looks like in night vision”. Considering I made her register for the expensive hand held unit I thought it was fair to be geeking out a little.
Unfortunately my technologically challenged better half could not figure out how to power the monitor on. After 30 seconds of watching my wife struggle, I wrestled the unit away from her and began banging on random buttons. I knew almost instantly that the monitor was busted but attempted to resuscitate it through all the usual means. I tapped the power button, held the power button, pushed and held multiple buttons at once, I even plugged the unit into the wall and tried everything all over again. When nothing worked I slammed it a few times into the bed post, but admittedly that was more of a stress relief than a troubleshoot.
When I finally decided all hope was lost I became nervous that we could not see or hear our child. I worried that she would wake up, feel abandoned and alone, and begin to resent us. My patient wife tried to allay my fears but had little success. I must have been convincing though because the second we heard “boo” from the babies bedroom we both jumped up and brought her back to ours. Everyone was sleeping in minutes.
We planned to return the defective baby device the next day but I had disposed of the box it came in, along with the receipt various other materials because it was super expensive and I assumed it would work. I gathered the monitor, the camera, and the power cords for each, placed them in a plastic bag and drove to Babies R Us. Expecting the worst my wife and I got our story straight on the ride over because confrontation makes me nervous. We decided “the story” should be the truth which was more or less; “this monitor is broken and it should not be, what can you do for us”.
Unbelievably, Babies R Us was receptive to our cause. The pleasant cashier looked at our Shoprite bag full of parts and ran down a check list of possible ways she could accept this as a return. “Do you have a receipt?” she asked with a broad smile. “We, I mean, I threw that out” I answered. “Did you pay with a credit card?” she helpfully inquired. “No it was a gift” I sullenly responded. “Oh, was it on your registry?” she excitedly questioned. “Well, yes it was” I quizzically replied. Unbelievably she then asked “Do you want store credit or an even exchange?” Before she could finish the statement, I screamed “Babies R Us for the win!” loud enough for the entire store to hear.
Ironically, even with the fancy new/working monitor our child has still not slept a night out of our bedroom.
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