Baby Thoughts 2

My parents have gone to considerable lengths to make sure no germ ever touches my pristine skin. It is fairly easy to stymie their efforts because I am currently at the point in my physical development where I threaten to crawl any time I am placed on a moderately flat surface. On a side note, learning to pop my butt in the air and wiggle my feet has been a fair amount of fun for me. However, my parents reaction to my burgeoning mobility is the real treat.

If I moved off the little towel my Mother perfectly placed on the floor, Father would snatch me right off the ground. Then Mommy would say something about Benji dragging feces all over the house. Eventually the towel turned into a bed, but whenever I would move a tad Daddy would snatch me. Then Mommy would say something about bumping my head. Next we tried a mat but that still was not big enough and it was quickly covered by a giant sheet. Of course the sheet was not a perfect fix either because I would roll off it or Benjamin would walk on it and both of those scenarios would illicit a hysterical reaction from both parents.

One day I rolled off my designated spot, reached for (than chewed on) one of Benji’s toys. A heartbeat later, Mommy picked me up, handed Daddy his keys and said, “Don’t come home until you’ve hired someone to install a new rug in this room! While I was excited about the prospect of a new rug, I did not see how it would help Benji proof my life. I thought he might take a bath every time he came into the house now because he did not want to spoil the new rug, but quickly realized that did not seem practical because Benjamin does not like water.

Minutes after the new rug was installed, Daddy made a big joke about how we could build a Benji funnel out of couches, my toys and a baby gate. At least it was a joke to him, Mommy was not laughing. From this point on Benjamin would come in and out his normal entrance, however, we would cut him off at the den by sliding the couch into the center of the room and making a Benji sized run. Mommy would then place a baby gate between the arm of the couch and the small opening at the far side of the room, effectively creating a Benji free zone in the center.

The “Benji Funnel” as Daddy calls it took a few minutes to create but it has provided hours of entertainment for me! I get free range of a massive (massive is a relative term, as I am a foot and a half tall) room and infrequently get pulled off my chosen path due to a germ concern. More amusing than my personal fun, however, is the fun I have at the expense of my parents.

Daddy is too short to walk over the baby gate and had resorted to doing a ridiculous rolling maneuver over the arm of the couch the first few times he went through. Mommy (who is no giant herself) simply stopped going to the office, laundry room, garage, and basement which are the rooms at the end of the funnel. Eventually Daddy realized that his roll was a bit over the top (see what I did just there) so he attempted to walk over the couch. Unfortunately, the arm made a terrible groaning noise when he had all his weight on it so he had to abandon that strategy as well. Mommy began ordering Daddy to fetch whatever it was she needed from the basement which only doubled his trips through the funnel.

Finally, Daddy dealt with the funnel in the same way Benji does. He now goes the long way around, hugging the wall as he walks because the run is only designed for our dog and is not wide enough for him to walk normally through. Sometimes I get a real treat when both Benji and Daddy are attempting to go through the funnel in opposite directions, usually Daddy backs down first because Benji is stubborn!

The best part about this whole situation is that the gate itself is not even wedged in place. Daddy could move and replace the gate in less than 10 seconds but I guess Benji is not the only one in the house who is stubborn!