An Ode to the Lowly Landline

The following post contains adult language and is intended for mature audiences only.

First and foremost, I must tell you that I am not going to purchase a landline (home phone line that does not rely on the cellular network) phone but I must admit that I am nearer to taking that plunge as a result of my 2 year old niece.

Since moving out of my childhood home I have completely shunned the landline. While I had a room phone all through college, I was a resident assistant and that was more my “office phone”. From the time I left school I’ve been very vocal my phone snobbery, looking down my nose at those of you stuck in the 20th century every chance I have gotten. In fact, when I moved into my first house a few years ago I had to argue with Comcast for 20 minutes in order to get the internet/cable double play (which did not exist back then) over the triple play which we are all familiar with (thus began my rocky relationship with that company).

All those feelings of hate towards the landline began to thaw out a bit last night when I looked at my phone and noticed I had a voicemail, which I will transcribe for you here.

“Hello, this is the Glassboro police department. Your phone just dialed 911 and we heard a bit of commotion. It did not seem like an emergency, but if it was please feel free to dial us back at 911.”

I shit you not folks, 911 called to check up on my cell phone last night! Turns out, while I was wrestling with my nephew, my niece picked my phone up off the floor and started dialing random numbers. If it she had used a landline the police would have been at my house in a matter of minutes. However, since it was a cell they could not easily identify the location of the pint sized caller and were unable to verify whether or not any police assistance was truly needed.

In any event, the moral of this story is; if you ever need to dial 911, use the landline if you can’t speak otherwise you’re SOL folks!