Benjamin Linus: Tussles with Disney's Best

Last Friday I was driving home from work when I received a frantic phone call from my wife (which I answered via my headset). "Where are you?" she gasped. "About five minutes away" I responded. "Hurry, come right to the backyard". Then I heard the cell phone shut off and I was stuck alone in my car with my thoughts. Obviously I was a bit distraught over the myriad of possibilities that I might face as I stepped foot into my backyard.

Maybe the roof collapsed and she was taking pictures for the insurance company. Perhaps a giant sinkhole formed and was threatening to suck my entire yard into a bottomless abyss. An even worse scenario my mind conjured up had a fallen tree which pinned my wife and dog underneath it. Maybe she lit the fire pit and flames had unexpectedly engulfed 3/4 of my dry yard.

I pulled in front of the house, slammed the car into park, and ran into the yard as quickly as I could (with a pinched nerve in my neck). My wife then instructed me to run into the house and lock Benji in his room. I did a brief once over of the yard and surmised that their was no sink hole, fire, or fallen tree. I ran into the house and locked Benji in his room.

Benjamin secured, I went back to my wife who told me that she caught Benji using a chipmunk as a chew toy. She managed to dislodge Alvin from Benjamin's jaws and trick the pup into the house. But during the scuffle she lost sight of the little woodland creature and feared him dead. I cautiously went back to the scene of the crime and found zero evidence of the scuffle.

I decided the chipmunk had survived but I did not have proof until just a few minutes ago.

My wife and I were sitting in front of the TV streaming "Arrested Development" through our XBOX on Netflix (it's not important to the story, but I still think it's so freaking cool to do this) when the dog ran into the living room. He was soaking wet, it had just poured outside, and did the traditional dogie wiggle which coated the living room in a light mist. I looked the pup in the eye, in order to yell at him, when I noticed a drenched fur ball hanging from his mouth rapidly kicking its little feet.

My wife must have noticed it also because she let out an inhuman shriek, got off the couch and then hopped up onto a different couch. Then she roared, "Drop it Benji"! Oddly enough, our dog complied dropped the mouse with a soaking splat on our living room floor. Mickey then ran in circles on our rug for around five minutes until I was able to trap him with a drinking glass and a rubber tire. Benji watched the whole scene with an expressive dogie face I can only describe as amusement.

I then took my mouse outside and deposited him in my front yard. He promptly ran away proving that Benjamin Linus does not kill furry little animals, he simply captures and toys with them.