Thoughts on Daddy 4

I know it has been a while since I checked in last but for the most part things have been going smoothly and thus I’ve had nothing to complain/write about. That was until two days ago when everything went haywire.

It all started when Daddy and I were having fun on the play mat. It is a pretty comfortable play mat so I figured I could lull the old man to sleep at which point I would then make my way to the computer to play some Bejeweled. Unfortunately he was not sleepy. My next plan was to mess with Daddy by stealing his glasses. I reached out and took them right off his face without any issues. Surprised and excited by my sudden success I did the baby equivalent of a touchdown dance. Embarrassingly, I did not account for my fathers glasses which I now held firmly in my tiny fist and ended up pressing the arm of the glasses under my eye.

To be clear, I did not scream, moan, or sob. I simply realized my kinesthetic error and handed Daddy’s glasses back to him. He, however, freaked out. He ripped me up off my comfy play mat, shinned bright lights into my eyes, and inexplicably started yelling at Benji for looking at him “like that”.

Thankfully after a couple of minutes he calmed down and we went back to play. But the spit hit the fan the second Mommy got home. She looked at my eyes and said, “why is one of her eyes a little red?” She did not realize I had just woken up from a nap and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. Daddy then confessed the scenario which I previously described and Mommy insisted he take me to the doctors.

Getting there was not a problem. The pediatrician took one look at my eye, gave me a clean bill of health, and sent us on our way. Things were looking up but then my lovely parents decided they wanted to go to the grocery store. After a brief shop we were back at the car and that’s when I heard Mommy gasp.

I was able to piece together that we had a fat tire which I am going to assume is a bad thing. Because if you have a fat tire people you don’t know come up to you and say, “Hey are you OK, do you need help with changing that fat?” Frustratingly, my father refused help from about six different people in the Shoprite parking lot. After around 20 minutes of metal banging and my Dad saying things like, “stupid tire, stupid fat, stupid hex nut”, he came over to Mommy and I and said, “we need a tire key for this car, there is no way to way get the wheel off without one”.

While I have not been around that long, even I knew that sounded a bit off. But I was not about to say anything so the situation continued to get more desperate by the minute. Daddy tried calling Grandpa for some advice but since he refuses to purchase a new cell phone his phone instantly died, even though he had a full charge. To make things more complicated, Mommy left her phone at home. Now we were in a wet parking lot, with a fat tire, and no way to contact anyone who cared about us!

Then, through what I can only describe as divine intervention, I saw my father run over to a truck that just parked in the lot. It was a Nissan like our car and it seemed like Daddy was trying to get his hands on a magical tire key. I could not see the man Daddy was talking to, but I heard him say, “I have never heard of a tire key for a Nissan Versa, and I am sure I don’t have one”. Daddy then mumbled something about all hope being lost and the man responded, “Well, do you mind if I take a look at it?”.

My father, being in no position to deny help from anyone, any longer, allowed him to approach our fat tire. The man who had just come into my line of sight, can only be described as huge. He picked up the tire iron, which looked like a toothpick in his massive palm, placed it on the wheel, and proceeded to remove each nut as nimbly as an ogre sized elf. Daddy then said something about heroes in our modern world and the man left as quickly as he had come. Thankfully it only took another four minutes 37 seconds for Daddy to get the donut on the car. On a side note, I have been lead to believe that donuts only add to fat problems but I guess cars are different than people.