Whoot Watch: Return of the Babies

The following blog post contains adult language: Reader maturity advised.

The wife and I watched the Whoot kids again yesterday and overall we had an extremely successful experience. We managed to transport them from their home to Wildwood and spend time on the beach and boardwalk.

At least we did have fun until the ride home. We got the kids in their pajamas in preparation for them to sleep on the car ride, unfortunately that was not going to happen. Before we left Jonny asked me for a piece of candy, I pushed my adult in the relationship responsibilities off on my wife and told Jonny to ask her. She gave him permission (I thought it was a bad idea) so I handed him the candy jar and he chose a lollypop. Immediately Jordan started crying (she cries a lot) for her own lollypop. Once again, I left the decision up to Kim (I was thinking “bad idea”) and she allowed Jordan her own lollypop.

Once we were in the car (kids with candy in mouth) we realized our folly. I was concerned that the children (Jordan specifically) was going to swallow the lollypop whole (stick and all) and choke to death in the moving car (mostly because I was told as a child that would happen to me if I was in a car with candy in my mouth). Kim was concerned with slightly more realistic problems, like the fact that Jordan seemed to be licking the candy, rubbing it all over her face, licking the candy, rolling it around in her hair and repeating the process.

It was at that point Kim said to me, “just take it from her”. I turned around and asked her for the lollypop and she said “no”. Jordan is 1 ½ so it was more like “naoa” but it was clearly a big negative on handing it over peacefully. So with ninja like speed I grasped the lollypop with my pointer finger and thumb and ripped it from her small not yet fully formed hand.

I would like to pause at this juncture to point out the fact that whoever first uttered the phrase, “like taking candy from a baby” was full of shit. I have never heard such an ear piercing scream from such a small human. The best part was that she kept screaming for a long, long time.

When it came across my mind that Jordan was once again jealous of her brother who still had his lollypop, hence the continued screaming, I asked him for his candy as well. Shockingly, he declined to comply with my request. Thankfully I didn’t have to resort to ninja skills this time and appealed to the near 5 year old child’s rational brain. “Hand me the lollypop or I’m going to shut your movie off”. That worked just fine.

Anyway after about a half hour of Jordan’s continuous screaming I turned to my wife and asked, “Why did you ask me to take the lollypop away”? She replied, “What? I thought that was your idea!” I said, “No, you definitely told me to grad the lollypop!” To which she said, “No, I said what are we are going to do about the lollypop!” “Well mumbles, next time you are going to have to annunciate when we are watching the children”, I retorted.

Kim’s comment, post traumatic event, “Number one, I said yes to a piece of candy, not a giant lollypop, and number two I specifically said don’t let Jordan see because the then she’ll want one as well.”